Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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