Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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