i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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