just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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