Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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