Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize