Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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