He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize