I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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