I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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