went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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