I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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