she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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