ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize