im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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