Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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