i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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