my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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