Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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