She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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