I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize