I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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