Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Bring me that man meat
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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