I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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