At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize