She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize