Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize