she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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