its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize