i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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