Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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