she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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