I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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