Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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