what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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