dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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