I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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