you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize