I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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