i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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