just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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