You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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