i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize