did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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