bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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