You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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