we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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