I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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