I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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