Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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